Day 1: Samael, the Call

Samael, the angel of death, the venom of God. I used this angel, one time, stared into him for hours, and it completely destroyed my heart, and emotions, like drills placed overnight. I listened to some hopefull indian guru a few months later, in desperation, and emailed him, and all my energy got integrated instantly, and then I saw a vision of Samael. A lonely, ugly, creepy being, on the edge of consciousness, in complete isolation, that pried with a vision in query, to what I wanted. Now I know, that no other angel, no other physical being, after decades of trying, can ever save me, and now, I am in the process of completely destroying not just my soul, but all that I am. As I have no hope. Tonight, I begin a vigil, a vigil not of prayer, but of a hope of hopelessness, to destroy myself completely, and hopes, that no throne, no lifetime, no flavour of anything that anyone or any being can ever do, or highlight any lessons given or taken, can correct my observation, that I must be destroyed completely. Tonight, I focus on Samael completely all night – I will update on observations, of the destruction of all that I am.